“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us” Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most significant relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. You have to say “I do” to you before you say it to someone else. I recently found myself in a position where everyday issues and frustrations began to take a toll on my self-esteem; I was being challenged by the temptations of life and my self-worth was gradually declining.
That can happen to all of us – it’s upsetting and frightening and it can be hard to see a way out. But I was fortunate enough to find a few ways to get my self-love back.
These are some of the ways we can love ourselves while others watch – let’s give them something to stare at!
1. Be committed to you. Pay attention to how you’re feeling and remember to focus on your needs and goals. I know that when I’m feeling uncomfortable, nervous, or uneasy, that can be a great opportunity for growth.
2. Don’t compare. We’re all different and we’re all amazing in our own unique ways. Comparing ourselves to other people is only going to undermine our own self-images. It’s not about being better or worse than someone else – it’s about being who you are and accepting and loving it.
3. Forget about humility. We can get so caught up in being humble that we lose sight of how awesome we really are. Focus on your achievements and abilities, difficulties you’ve overcome, people whose lives you’ve made better, and goals that you’re reaching. Be proud of yourself!
4. Make the changes you need. Part of building up your self-love is figuring out what kind of environment you need in order to thrive and then creating that environment. Find those things that are holding you back and adjust them, like:
- The passive-aggressive friend that always has “just some friendly advice” about how you live your life – Goodbye!
- Parents who think your PhD is great but always mention how you’ve gained too much or lost too much weight – No more of that!
- The HBR article that reminds you of how your generation sucks and how you’ll all die with thousands of dollars of student loan debt – Unsubscribe!
- That pair of jeans that doesn’t quite fit anymore and makes you miserable about your body – Charitable donation!
- The guy who can’t commit, keeps playing games, and only answers calls when it’s convenient to him – Swipe left!
As I was facing this struggle with my own self-love, I had the opportunity to chaperone a group of incredibly intelligent and beautiful women as they competed for the Miss D.C. title. One of the things that stood out to me the most was how focused we are on competition and winning.
We base our self-worth on how we measure up to other people – our waist size or how shiny our hair is or how much money we’ve made this year or how many advanced degrees we’ve earned. But like I said above, those comparisons are just distractions. Self-worth really happens when we stop comparing and start embracing who we are, regardless of what other people are doing. This is especially tough for women, with all the pressure society puts on us to compete based on our looks. So ask yourself: are you in the Game or are you running your own Game? I can look at a person across the room and see that they’re winning – self-love, self-worth, and dignity shine through even in sweatpants with dirty hair.
But it’s not easy to get out of that competition mode. For me, one of the most important changes was getting Baptized. I gave myself over to a power that I knew would change my life. I’m glad I made that choice at a later age so that I could truly understand my decision and what it would mean for my life. Getting Baptized has helped me to always remember that I am a diamond and that I’m keeping my most intimate self for “The One” God chooses for me. It has allowed me to be consumed by self-love.
So the best advice I can give is to urge you to find a place that keeps you grounded and focused on your own growth and well-being. It may be through God, it may be through a hobby or a passion, it may be through your family – the point is that it’s something that’s true to your heart.
Happy New Year!
Lauriel (Made in the house of Diamonds)
Check out some of my favorite items from DVF for the new year!
“You are always with yourself so you might as well enjoy the company- Diane Von Furnstenberg”
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Happy Birthday Mi Amor- 11-27
Another year, another birthday – and unquestionably the most amazing, challenging, and demanding year I have had yet. Birthdays are your own personal New Year and your own personal chance to make resolutions just for you and your vision for the next year.
This birthday is a joyful one – I’m so grateful for all of the incredible people in my life and all of the amazing opportunities I’ve been blessed with. The only thing I hope for in the next year is more of the same! More adventures, more opportunities to grow, and more days filled with smiles, tea parties, and inspiration.
I want to thank my eleventwenty7 community, family, and friends that have become family for your unfailing love and endless support. You are the ones that have brought me to this blessed, happy place in my life. Merci!
Remember to Celebrate Yourself and Give Yourself Room to Grow
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m optimistic, driven, and have a deep desire to see the beauty in all facets of life. But in the day-to-day hustle and bustle, it can be so easy for us to forget to see the beauty in ourselves. Birthdays are a great time to reflect on just that and take the time to celebrate who we are.
It’s also a good time to look for opportunities to grow. I have always been a woman with a deep awareness of social issues and in this new year of my life, I’m paying more attention to those issues than ever. For me, that means making it a part of my daily life to make the world a little bit better. A smile at a stranger, donating your spare change to someone that needs it, or performing a small act of grace to show be it a hug or pat on the back to show someone you care. Sometimes we have the opportunity to give back in bigger ways, but doing those little things every day can add up to a lot more happiness in the world.
I strive to live in the place where finding personal beauty and making the world more beautiful meet. That’s why 11/27 means so much to me. It’s a day for me to celebrate me but it’s also a day for me to celebrate the amazing platform this personal blog has become. This blog gives me the opportunity to frame something we love – beauty and fashion – as a tool for self-empowerment, self-confidence, and a social confidence. Selfies are great, but Self is better.
I will always be a woman working with a purpose and this year I’m renewing my commitment to that purpose. I’m celebrating me and I’m celebrating the wonderful eleventwenty7 community and I’m hoping that I can inspire you to use those new glass slippers to kick through the glass ceiling. I hope I can remind you to look for the beauty and the meaning all around you to feed your soul.
Happy Birthday 11-27!
On a personal note I am sharing some of my pictures from my personal Instagram.